oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
