A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Come share oat with me in your robe
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
