I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
