So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
