hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
