i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
