i permit you to call me
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
