Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i think i just lost a toe
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
