I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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