It was confusing and full of hummus
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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