trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
