the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
