It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
