Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
