i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week š
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
And, by āmake you dinnerā I mean āhave lots of sex and multiple orgasms.ā So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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