I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
There's even glitter on my cock...
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