im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
