My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
