I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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