Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
