Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
