Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
