ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
