you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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