I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
