My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
