wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
