Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
