I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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