a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
