2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
