Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
