Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
