I am puke
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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