he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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