Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
