Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
