What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize