My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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