Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
