Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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