i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
