Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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