You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
