did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
