I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
