I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
