im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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