The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
