do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
