Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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