Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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