I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i will never coherently bang her
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You made out with two different species that night
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Randomize
