i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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