I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
