I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You are the jesus of drinking
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
