I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
FUCK WHALES
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
